My Fear of Horses

I started in such ignorance--
these big brooding beasts
in the barn their bodies boomed
over me, their stall a kind of fortress
around me, the hay soft under
my feet of four years;
I thought nothing of them.

Then my birthday party. Bare back
I rode and some glimmer of light
or whisper of wind or glitch
of purpose caused the horse to rear-up
suddenly I fell beneath. Hard hoofs
so close to my soft head.
I never rode again.

I started to notice their blocks of teeth
when my mother and I fed them apples.
How hard and unstoppable
like a hydraulic machine in my father's factory
that nearly swallowed my hand.

If I feed one an apple now, cautiously
I extend my fingers so my hand becomes convex,
with the apple balancing on the crest of my hand,
my torso retreats and bends away from its terrible mouth
my arm extended like a shaking branch.
Those awful teeth.

I started to notice the ferocious nostrils
envisioning them flaring in battle,
hot flaming breath throwing out violence.

When I see my sister commanding the beast
around a groomed track listening
to her muscle contractions I think
of how unlikely it is, near miraculous,
for her to do that. And I think of how God
talked to Job of Leviathon and Behemoth and horse
in the same long breath.


 Above is the third draft with some minor and major revisions.


 My Fear of Horses

It started with ignorance
these big brooding beasts
like Manhattan over me
the layer of hay soft under
my feet of four years;
I thought nothing of them.

Then the party. Bare back
I rode and some glimmer of light
or whisper of wind or glitch
of purpose caused the horse to rear
and I fell beneath. Hard hoofs
so close to my small head.
I never rode again.

I started to notice their blocks of teeth
when my mother and I fed them apples.
How hard and unstoppable
like a hydraulic machine in my father's factory
that nearly swallowed my hand.

If I feed one an apple now
I extend my fingers so my hand becomes convex,
with the apple balancing on the precipice and
I retreat and bend away from its terrible mouth
and those awful teeth.

I started to notice the ferocious nostrils
envisioning them flaring in an unwinnable battle
blowing out the violence and sucking it in.

When I see my sister commanding the beast
around a groomed track listening
to her muscle contractions I think
of how unlikely it is, near miraculous,
for her to do that. And I think of how God
talked to Job of Leviathon and Behemoth and horse
in the same long breath.


Originally written on August 27, 2015. This draft is nearly identical to the first draft with minor changes. I consider it unfinished.